I spend too much time on the internet

I can't say I've just discovered it, because I've used it a few times before. But let's say that I have recently come to better appreciate the wonderful online tool called Wikipedia. As many of you already know, it is an online encyclopoedia filled with (mostly) accurate information provided by users of the site. It often provides the references to the information it gives, usually with mucho (mas o menos) external links. I've come to appreciate it more because of the recent revelation that it has articles on stuff I find cool, such as

Toby Huss
The League of Gentlemen
Firesign Theatre
Madballs
Homestar Runner
Mark Evanier
Cake
Pink Floyd
Police Squad

And, surprisingly, a mention of Waterman. And while Ralph Snart has finally gotten his own article, Weird Melvin has nothing yet. I've had to trade in some of my loftier dreams over the years for those that are perhaps more attainable, but is it too much to hope that my name may one day make it into the informationally substantial labyrinth of Wikipedia?

And the birth of this type of dream, my friends, is the exact moment when you have spent too much time on the internet.

Beware.

Socrates the jive turkey

I remember that, when we were reading The Republic of Plato in my Perennial Questions in Education class my sophomore year of college, I kept getting the impression that Socrates was just a total shyster. It seemed that he always knew exactly where he was going to take the conversation, that he always knew exactly how to get you to agree to whatever he was saying. I sensed mischief hiding behind that ugly mug of his. He would ask questions that you couldn't disagree with that would ultimately add up to a position that was in direct opposition to what you believed. There wasn't anything specific at any point that you could really take issue with without seeming like you were quibbling over some insignificant aspect of the question. At one point, you may think you've caught him in an inconsistency, but he manages to turn it around on you.

I love to play checkers, and in my opinion, I can play pretty well, as long as I don't have to take whatever jumps are available to me. A good strategy is to look at least 5 or 6 (or more) moves ahead, and figure out how to set up the board in a way that will look to your opponent that he will soon have the upper hand, while in fact the one piece you let him jump may set up an arrangement that lets you triple jump him. I think that's a lot like what Socrates did. He would lead you down paths you thought looked good but which eventually led you to a place you didn't want to be. Which, I guess you could say, is good for intellectual stimulation and development of critical thought and deeper understanding. But my main beef is that you're left no room for further discussion. The position set up demands refutation, but the only way of doing so is through attacking the arguments upon which it was built, which are unassailable. Maybe the point is to hone one's own thinking skills. I don't know. I loved a lot of the guy's thoughts and arguments, but I didn't trust him completely.

Anyway, I just read a piece by Raymond Smullyan about free will (and numerous other things!) that reminded me of the way Socrates would talk. It's a dialogue between a mortal and God which is, if nothing else, quite humorous, and thorough. I can pick out some places along the way where I would have to disagree, and the very end of the piece has what seems to me to be a possible contradiction. But anyway, give it a read. It's entertaining and thought-provoking, which you often don't get in the same place at the same time.

Birthmas

This year marked the beginning of a trend which I often feared as a child: the gradual integration of my birthday into the general Christmas celebrations, evidenced primarily by the marked decrease in present income. Now, that's not to say I didn't get a whole lotta swag this year, or that there was necessarily the aforementioned decrease. But there was one group of family members who did just buy me one gift. And truthfully, I don't mind. In fact, I welcome it with open arms. (I wonder, can you welcome stuff with anything other than open arms? I mean, closed arms doesn't even work. Then it's not very welcome. And an open nose is just asking for pain. Or cocaine, I guess. Anyway.) It's starting to wear on me how materialistic I can be. The fact that I can come up with a wish list on Amazon.com gives me pause enough to wonder if I've got my values lined up completely correctly. I mean, I got a lot of great stuff that I will use and enjoy, but I can't help thinking about people worldwide with distended bellies and little/no access to clean water. But for the moment, I must put all such worries aside, because if I didn't, I would be causing myself a great deal of cognitive dissonance when I proclaim that

I got a talking Napoleon Dynamite pen! And Pink Floyd albums! And The Adventures of Pete & Pete on DVD! And a League of Gentlemen scripts book!

*Ahem* Now that that's out of the way, seriously, there's people starving out there. Please, even if you don't give a rip about Christmas, donate some money to people who are doing something to counteract that. I don't care how much. Pennies make dollars.

P.S. Okay, we've got inflatable Santas, snowmen, reindeer, and now the Grinch. When can I get my inflatable Jesus lawn ornament?

Mysteries of the Universe, Part Two

A more current query on my mind tonight is this:

I am more than grateful to know that my fellow man washes his hands after using the restroom, especially in public restrooms. The thing I don't understand, however, is how guys manage to get water all over the counter around the sink when they do so. I can only guess that it is being done intentionally, as I cannot convince myself that collateral splashage could amount to so much. Unless, that is, the soapy water I often see is the aggregate result of not one, but multiple hand-washers.

Anyways, I'm curious also as to whether this phenomenon has been observed in women's restrooms as well.

Care, dang it!

Death toll from road accidents 390 times that from terrorism: study